TOYPEDO – by guest writer, Sir David of Lang


This toy isn’t afraid to be the only kids toy  to have the words PEDO in bright red letters next to the picture of a face of a smiling child. And it isn’t afraid to give that child light brown eyebrows and jet black hair???

This toy effectively corners the toy torpedo market, making it a big fish in a small pond. Although that fish looks like a giant red-tipped atomic-powered dildo and the pond is made up of small children.

The Toypedo can run up to 30 feet in water. I’m not sure whether the toy will ACTUALLY explode but i wouldn’t want to take the risk. You can only imagine the terror of a small child enjoying a dip in the local pool, when the cry PEDO! goes out, and they turn to see a giant orange phallus steaming directly at their face.

A top speed isn’t given for the Toypedo, but looking at it, i’d say it’s probably about 1,000 miles an hour.

The manufacturers also produce a sex-offender land-mine with a picture of a school bus on it.ToyTOYPEDO


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